Am I The Only Mom Who Does This?

By Ashley Patek

I can’t be the only one who asks, “Am I the only one?”

Am I the only one who raised her voice today. I did more times than I would have liked, and then I sat on the floor and cried. 

Am I the only one who, despite the busy days, feels lonely? Distant from my partner, separated from my friends, disconnected from my reflection. 

Am I the only mom desperate for a break yet terrified to leave her kids? 

The only one who longs to return to work, 

Or who dreams of staying at home?

Am I the only mom who struggles to find balance between the list of “to-dos” and being with my children? Why is it so hard for me to hush my mind and play?

Am I the only one who doesn’t have it all together? Sometimes it looks like everyone else does and I wonder, how are they doing it? 

Could I be the only one who questions if she is doing enough, doing it right, or just flat out ruining them? I ask myself daily, and the chatter is deafening.

I can’t be the only one who asks, am I the only one?

Am I?

We feel so similar yet hide it so well. 

Do you see me, dear mama? 

I see you. 

And, 

We are not broken. 

We are enough. 

We are doing it right. 

We are not alone. 

And while I am not the only one, I am the only one. 

The only one who knows how to kiss their boo-boos, snuggle them in close, and bring about a belly laugh. The only one who knows the thoughts behind their eyes, their smile, their sounds. I am their safe place to come together and fall apart. I am their mom. 

I don’t have it all figured out. 

And I don’t get it perfect, but I am perfect for them. 

No, I’m not the only one, but I am the only one.